I apologize if there are any sleep lab enthusiasts who are insulted by my post. If you work at a sleep lab, it’s nothing against you. I’m sure you’re great people. Sleep clinics suck though.
If you’re one of those people lucky enough to be able to sleep normally most of the time, I am extremely jealous of you. I, unfortunately, am one of an estimated 1 in 6 people who has some form of sleep disorder. In my case, the disorder is that, sometimes, I don’t. Sleep, that is. I’ll go to bed around 12, and then proceed to lie awake, tossing and turning, sometimes until almost 4 in the morning. Once I finally do fall asleep, I tend to wake up several times a night. I’m never well-rested. Being tired is a way of life for me. I’m an expert napper.
Augh. I sound so whiny. I apologize. It’s not all bad! All this not sleeping gives me more time to perfect my neuroses and work on important things like my internet surfing, video game playing and obsessive worrying skills.
Regardless, I grew sick of this, so, after years of being prescribed sleeping pills, being told to “think happy thoughts” (thanks Dad!) and being given the suggestion to avoid caffeine in the evenings (No! Ya think? Haven’t had caffeine after 1pm for about 3 years now…) I finally got a referral to a sleep clinic.
Fast forward about 6 weeks, and there I was. 8:45 PM, standing in a little room, clutching my pillow and holding a bag containing a change of clothes and a good book. Enter problem the first: Bedtime was 10 PM.
My average bedtime is about 12:15 AM. Sometimes it’s later. It is rarely earlier. I have difficulty falling asleep even then, and by then at least I’m tired. At 10 PM my body’s still ready to go for another two hours. I regularly spend the hours of 10-12 writing, surfing interesting websites, reading scholarly articles, and solving world hunger. Well, the first two at least. Putting me in bed two hours before bedtime and telling me to fall asleep is about as practical as putting a cat down next to a bowl of lettuce and telling it to eat it. Not gonna happen.
I wasn’t just lying in a strange bed too early in the evening though. (A strange, extremely lumpy bed – clearly some VERY heavy people have been on that mattress) I also had wires with electrodes attached all over me. Specifically: 5 electrodes on my face, 5 elsewhere on my head, 2 on my chest, 1 on my finger, 1 on each leg, and 1 on my throat. Also, a band around my chest and a band around my waist. What genius figured that you could get an accurate idea of someone’s sleep patterns when they’re covered in wires, unable to roll around as usual for fear of dislodging them all? Just to make things interesting, I was also allergic to the paste they used to attach said electrodes, which made them itch fiercely.
So, there I was. Covered in wires, itchy, uncomfortable, in a strange bed, not tired, anxious about sleeping enough to get the right data, and the technician came in to turn the light out. “Good night!” he said. Yeah, right.
Long story short, I almost didn’t sleep enough for their data to be valid, and it certainly wasn’t my normal sleep pattern. So far, my best option for a good night’s sleep still seems to be a cocktail of late bedtimes, over the counter sleep aids and enough homeopathic remedies to overwhelm a shaman. Any and all suggestions, save “think happy thoughts” and “don’t drink caffeine” are welcome.
Till next time,
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