Stuff I'm Afraid Of That It's Really Dumb To Be Afraid Of (part 1)

As far as I know, most people have fairly normal fears that stem from some sort of healthy self-protection mechanism dating back to the days of prehistoric humans. Some people are afraid of spiders. This makes sense, because, back in the day, if one got bitten by a poisonous spider, one usually wound up dead. Therefore, humans who were all "Pfft, it's just a little spider, I'm gonna go poke it with my finger" often died, and humans who were like "Gah! Spider! Run away!" survived. Same with snakes, bears, wolves, sharks, etc.

My fears are a lot less normal. For instance, I am afraid of Muppets. I can watch a movie with Muppets in it just fine - A Muppet Christmas Carol is one of my Christmas favourites. The idea of a live Muppet in my presence, however, scares the bejeezus out of me. All fuzzy and smiling, not able to blink, with their giant felt mouths and skinny little arms held up by wires. I shudder at the thought. If I watch a Muppet movie, I must be prepared for Muppet nightmares later on. Logically, I know that this is an absurd fear. What could a Muppet do to me? It's just a felt puppet. And yet I still have to close my eyes for certain scenes in Muppet Treasure Island. 

Something else I'm afraid of? Corpses. "But Julie," you say, "That's a normal fear! Dead things can have parasites or diseases, so it's natural to be scared of them!" Yes, this is true, I reply, but my fear of corpses goes way beyond what's normal. Funerals with open caskets are the worst. I have to remain sympathetic and heartfelt while at the same time doing my best not to look or move towards the place where the deceased is on display. If I'm watching a television show where a person dies in the arms of their friend, I freak. It goes something like this:

TV Character 1: Don't leave me! I can't live without you!

TV Character 2: I'm... sorry..... I'll always... love... you... augh (that augh was the sound of TVC2 dying)

TV Character 1 proceeds to clutch the lifeless body of TV Character 2, crying into his/her chest, possibly screaming "WHY?? WHY???" up at the sky while rain starts pouring. Very poetic.

For most normal people, this would be touching and romantic. It might even cause some people to sniffle a little and reach for a tissue. But not for me. Now, don't get me wrong, I'd be just as moved, sniffling and reaching for tissues, but only up until TV Character 2 dies. The second that it is evident that TV Character 1 is holding onto a lifeless corpse, my reaction goes from "Oh god, it's so sad!" to "Oh god! Put him/her down! Don't touch that! It's a dead thing! AUGH!" (that augh was the sound of me freaking out). My sister sometimes jokes that, if she were to die in my arms, as soon as she was dead, I'd drop her. She jokes, but the sad thing? IT'S TRUE.

At least my fears aren't completely debilitating though. I don't come across Muppets or corpses during my average day to day. I could clearly never be a mortician. Or a Muppet mortician. Eugh.

Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go watch some pleasant, mindless television, or I'll be up all night with dreams of dead Muppets. Cheers!